The Yellow Chair!

One of my earliest memories is from the time when I was in nursery or probably in playschool. I will have to verify that from mom. I do not have an elephant's memory, but it is one of the weird little things, I just remember from that young an age. As a kid at that age, the little knowledge and recognition of colors I had, it was the color yellow that I liked very much. Everyday, mom would drop me at the school. I remember it being a decent sized room. It might actually be very small in reality, but my memory is that of a 3 year old, when everything seemed big. A sweet burly woman was our caretaker or teacher, which again I will have to verify, but, she was there to take care of us, teach us and help us learn while playing along the way. The room had lots of toys. Toys in shape of different vehicles, different lego kind of toys to build something and large plastic air filled balls to kick around. And then, it had, a little close to the wall on one side, a line of small wooden chairs for us to sit on. They were in all different colors. I remember blue, red, white and yellow chairs. Rest, either I have forgot or was too young to know or recognize. Whenever we were asked to sit, I bolted towards the yellow chair in the middle. For some reason, I remember, there was only one yellow chair. I remember red chairs which were more than one, blue were also more than one and probably white was also only one. Every time we had to sit, I had to take the yellow chair. Some days if I couldn't, it almost brought me to tears. One day, I even pushed one guy who was a little ahead of me in the dash to the chairs, so that I could take that chair. Even after the school got over, I used to hang on to the yellow chair. When my mom eventually used to appear at the door, to take me back home, I used to drag that chair with me to the door and plead my mom to take the chair too, with us. Every day, I was cajoled or bribed or tricked or scolded to leave the chair where it belonged. That itself, became my first failure in life, not to be able to take the chair home. That, also was the first thing I ever really wanted, except of course, apart from chocolates and a long car, which followed in the list.
Over a period of time, in my life, I forgot about it. Only sometimes, when some stories were told, I used to remember it again. But the urge to sit on a yellow chair, when I see one, is still there. Only then it flashes back now.
Up till my school, in my studies, I had a couple of downs, some really bad ones, but otherwise, it was pretty much great. Then I went to college. There, where most of us actually grow up, I saw that life was not always hunky dory. With respect to academics, I knew much more than most of the students, but the university type system showed me the first glimpses of actual life. Sometimes, no matter how much you try and are actually deserving, things do not come to you. I knew more than most. In fact, sometimes taught half the class on some subjects but I never scored as well as I wanted, It was still good, but the marks seemed to be random number generated. Even in subjects of science and subjects like maths etc, where the solution is precise, either you get it or you don't, even in those subjects, when I knew everything and wrote everything, I scored less than the people who wrote stories in sheets and extra sheets of answer booklets. Somehow the concept of science was lost on the paper checkers. That is when I realized, that no matter how much study or I don't, I would get approximately the same marks. And that was exactly what happened. That was the first time I felt, things going against me even when I tried and deserved better. But that gave me an important lesson too. Same happened in the case of landing up with a job. Ultimately, I got the best of offers and the most in my batch but it came painfully late. Then I learnt one more thing. Things do not happen instantly. For me, they take a bit of time.
But the effect of all this and then being in a boring job afterwards, was that, I lost some of the self belief. After a little more time, I wondered, whether I still had the competitive edge. I used to be counted among the best, but was not sure if I was any better at that time.
Then few things on the personal front happened. Along with it, came the aim of cracking the CAT exam. I believed that I could do it but had narrowly failed on one occasion and got royally screwed on another because of a silly mistake. After that, the time and circumstances were such that I had to do something to prove to myself and few others that I was not dumb now, and that I still had it in me. I needed it more for myself, although, it did not hurt to prove it to few others as well.
I remember the day, when it finally happened. I felt like punching the air like Virat Kohli does these days. I was with a friend when I got the results and the first thing that I spoke was "I am not dumb." I could not speak any more any further.
Then I went to the campus. I was given a room and took the keys. I took my luggage to my room and opened the door. It was a rather spacious room, with one bed along the wall, one large table at the other end, a rack in the wall, a wardrobe and just in front of the table was bright yellow chair in all its beauty and glory. The moment my eyes fell on it, everything flashed again. I left everything and went and sat on it with my legs on the table. I wondered "It was here that I was supposed to find the yellow chair. I could have never guessed it" Oddly enough, it was an exhilarating feeling. Before I even brought my luggage in the room, I sat on it for good 10 minutes. Finally, I had my yellow chair.
There are many things that the yellow chair can even symbolize. I felt, if I hadn't remembered that obsession with the yellow chair from childhood, I wouldn't have got it. Even if I had, I wouldn't have appreciated it. So, if you keep working on, and always have it in the back of your mind, sooner or later it would come.
I am no celebrity, or guru or a motivational speaker. But I can tell you, everyone has that yellow chair in mind from childhood. Most forget it completely. But if we don't, somewhere, someplace in some for or other, the yellow chair will come to you or call you to it. For me, it was not only about that chair and that event. I need more yellow chairs. Best is to keep seeking that yellow chair again and again and again.