The Last Page: My Autobiography

An autobiography. One of those things which again is available as a right, to only the famous and very well known. In part, rightly so, because people only want to read about the successful and very famous, to know how they scaled the peaks of achievements and what struggles they faced and overcame. That inspires people to overcome their obstacles and try to be successful. But, it would be very wrong to think that only the stories of the very famous or monetarily successful people are an inspiration. If that was the case, our dads wouldn't have been our superheroes and our moms wouldn't have been our gods. Their stories are no less inspirational. For the one writing his autobiography, I wonder what an amazing experience it would be to rewind the tape of his life and take out excerpts from it to put it out for others. Even the average should be able to have that experience. And just for the sake of writing an autobiography, I wish to be a very famous personality. For now, the minor rebel streak in me, who hates too much of norms, decided to take this on, in my own way. And yes, hardly anyone would read it, but it would definitely satisfy something inside of me. But then, thinking on those lines, I unknowingly embarked on a different line of thought. Who knows how I will end up and whether I would be entitled to write an autobiography or not? If someone becomes successful later on, it would be easier to give tips to others or showcase your past failures openly but it to do it before you are successful, is not something people do or would find it easy to do. I thought, if today, I was given to chance to write one, I began thinking what it would be like. Eventually, finding my way through the maze of these thoughts, I began to wonder that, given my current situation what would I want my autobiography to look like. What would be the last page of my autobiography. Thus, I decided to write not the full, but just the last page. May be few decades later I would look back and wonder how I had thought it to be and how it turned out to be. So here it goes.
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After a good, half an hour or forty five minutes of evening walk we both take our seats on a bench by the lake. It would be sunset in just a while. We just sit down to catch our breaths and give a little rest to our bones and muscles which are now doing overtime at 80 odd years. As soon as we catch a little bit of our breath back, she tees off into a conversation. She, still the talker and me, still the listener and thinker. I just wonder how dull it would have been without her, who could make up a conversation on almost anything, an area in which I struggled woefully. All these years she had filled up the silence around me with her chirpiness. And even today I was just happy and fascinated to listen to her and chime in once in a while. As I look at her now wrinkly face, but with still the same bright eyes with full of expressions, I wonder how much I still loved her. She still was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and definitely the most beautiful wrinkly 80 year old. But the countless wrinkles on both of us were symbolic of the amount of time we had spent together, starting from the very first wrinkle that innocently made its presence felt on our face years back, till the latest one. Each of those signified the long years we had left behind together. The years of struggle, some successes studded with lots of minor failures and lot other frustrations along the way. Over the years, I could now, just look at her expressive eyes and get to know what she intended to say.
After a while, listening to her, a thought just made its way across my ageing mind and I ask her "Have we been successful? What do you think?"
She looks at me, smiles, more brightly with her eyes than her lips now, and says "What happened? All of a sudden an old soul, philosophical question?"
"I was always an old soul. Never felt that I belonged in this world till you came around. Anyways, what are your precious thoughts on the question?"
"See, money wise, we have been ok. We always had more than enough to take care of everything plus some indulgences every now and then. As for other things, let me say this, we provided well for the kids and ourselves, saw a bit of the world, you set up a successful enterprise, I did ok in my career and after a point, we had the resources when we needed them. Most of all, I am still with you, so yes you and we have been successful" she said with her characteristic, wry sense of humor and again talking more through the eyes than the lips, which made me fall for her over and over again even now as I did when young.
"By that last parameter, definitely. But you are right. I think we did ok."
The sun was setting now and as the red rays of evening sunlight fell sieving through the light mist and draping everything in its red hue, I again took a look at her. Despite the vagaries of ageing life, her face was still resplendent with a kind of life in them that it made everything worth it. The single most biggest reason of us getting through around this maze of life was her being with me all through it.
"Let's head back. We will take another 20 minutes to reach and it is about sunset."
I get up and lend my hand to her for support to get up, while I hold my classical old man's stick in the other hand to support myself. That is what it is now. Both, inadequate on our own, needing support from each other for everything. She smiles and gives me her hand, and gets up. Not that she could not get up on her own, especially being as fiercely independent as ever, nor I was strong enough now to give her support all by myself, but, the coming to terms of the fact that I liked to do so and she liked that I felt nice.
She gets up. And so, inch by inch, still holding hands, as if we were teens in love, but for reasons totally different now, we move gingerly, and in the fading light we fade away in the dark moving towards a place which we had made our home for so many years. The only thought being, it was a worthwhile journey of a lifetime and we did well. Together. And most importantly, we were at peace.

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Culture for failures

There are successful people, there are triers and there are quitters. In that group of triers, a vast majority are the ones who have been labelled failures more often than not. What people like to see is only the ones who are successful now. Triers are failures, at least for that moment. That is how, especially our culture looks at those people. Only the "black and white" success is worshiped and the rest is shunned away. From the moment a child starts schooling, there is only one thing which is appreciated. All people care about is instant success in everything. The parameters of being successful are in themselves as random as anything can be. Only those who are successful at every thing they do are treated well. For others, it is embarrassment, humiliation and the shame of being branded failures. Only true failures are the quitters. In our culture, if someone tries something and fails at it, he is scorned upon, looked down upon and even made fun of.
But in reality, it is actually the failures that we see in life that make us what we are. It is only failures that keep people humble, that develops and brings out the true character. It is failures that teach us how to deal with them. People who have always only been successful till a point, really have no clue how to deal with a failure. The best examples are the child prodigies in almost every field. Because of their talent and genius, they see only success early on. But, a very minuscule percentage of those prodigies go on to become greats because the first time they hit a roadblock or a failure, they do not know how to deal with it and they fizz out or worse, quit.
There are geniuses and heroes. Both are considered successful. But the difference is, geniuses are admired but heroes are idolized. Mostly, geniuses just take the world by storm by their brilliance, whereas heroes, go through a hell before emerging out on the other side being successful. Not everybody can be a genius and that is why we cannot relate that much to them. On the hand, everybody can be a hero because almost everybody goes through hardships. That is why we relate to them more. It gives the rest of us, a hope that difficulties can be overcome.
The surest path to success is through failures and enduring hardships. It grows you from within and shapes your character. It makes you stronger. All those people who have not failed even once, I just have to say that you simply do not know enough. Success is not only how quickly you achieved it, it is how high you bounce after hitting the bottom. Success is, if you can and have, got up after hitting the low.
So don't scold or feel ashamed if your kid failed at trying something. Do not ridicule or judge your friends for failing at something for failing is a way of discovering what you are supposed to do. If you keep at it despite failures, then you succeed. There are no timelines to it, but achieving is inevitable.
Unfortunately in our culture we lay too much emphasis and appreciation on succeeding every time. Be it with kids performing at school, professionals at work, earning money or succeeding at sports and art. We fail to appreciate the process of trying to attain success through failures. Through trying out different things before figuring out ourselves and what and how to keep going on. We have seen parents scolding their kids for even coming second in class or worse, on just passing. We fail to give the kids a chance to explore other things. Not everybody is meant to do one thing. And to figure out what you are meant to do, entails embarking on a journey and treading a path of failures, on which after each setback you know yourself more and are one step closer to where you should be.
We as a society should be more open to the concept of people failing and accepting them. Not to shun them or mock them, for if they are not quitting, they are on the right path.
These words sound great from well known people who have beat the odds. I am no such person. But what I am is a normal person who has seen a fair share of failures and some successes. I am not successful by the yardstick people have for success. Not yet. That is why I thought it was more important to write this now rather than when I eventually beat the odds. For all the triers, like me, the most important thing is to believe in ourselves. Nobody would ever believe in you if yourself do not. Chances are, that even if you believe in yourself, nobody else will, but then, you will at least have you on your side and that is better than having nobody. One thing about luck and tough times is that they change. It might even take years but eventually they will change. But, when they do change, it is your responsibility to be ready to exploit the change. To be ready by not quitting, by being prepared and by keeping the self belief alive and kicking. No body is a failure until they quit, no matter what the society and the world may think. "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
If rather, you have been pretty successful already, but, you know someone who is still on that path and not yet out on the other side, do not shun them, or mock them. Try to know their journey. You will be surprised to know that if you were in their shoes, you might have been in the same position. There is nothing people remember more than the people who help and support them in their tough times.
What I have learnt from my experiences is not to judge anyone who has failed or is failing at the moment. For me, I respect those people more who failed and then came back better. We talk about tasting success, but, you are not complete if you haven't tasted failure.
If I were to hire someone for a position, and could hire only one person, and had two options, one, someone who has been out and out winner throughout his life and the other who might not be an outright genius, but still good at his work, but would failed at some point and bounced back, I would hire the second one. That is because, there would be clear evidence that he had seen failures and came out better and hence knows how to handle them better than someone who hasn't seen any.
I seriously hope we change our outlook towards failures.
I have succeeded some of the times, failed many many times, but I know "Its not over until I win, because God built me to last."

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